why can some people really be able to think positive when having stage four cancer?

why can some people really be able to think positive when having stage four cancer?

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Why is it that some people, eg prisoners of war, people told they have a terminal illness, people living in poverty etc can manage to think positively and find joy in their lives and yet others succumb to depression, fear and despair? 

The simple answer is that it isn’t usually the circumstances themselves that determine how someone copes, but the meaning they give to those circumstances and the psychological resources they have available.

Two people can face almost identical situations and have very different experiences.

For example, during the Holocaust, psychiatrist and survivor Viktor Frankl observed that some prisoners lost hope completely, while others found reasons to keep going. He concluded that people can endure extraordinary suffering if they can find meaning, purpose, or something worth living for.

A few factors seem to make a big difference:

1. Their perspective about what is happening

Some people think:

“This is terrible, but I can still live my life.”

Others think:

“This is terrible, what if my life is over?.”

The event may be the same, but the interpretation creates a very different emotional experience.

2. Their ability to stay in the present

Fear usually lives in the future, so many people who cope well, learn to bring their attention back to the present moment repeatedly.

3. Their sense of control

Human beings need some feeling of control.

People who do best often focus on what remains within their control:

* Their attitude

* Their choices

* How they spend today

* How they treat others

People who focus only on what has been taken away or what they may lose, are more vulnerable to despair.

4. Their support and life experiences

Resilience isn’t something we’re simply born with.

Past experiences, relationships, childhood influences, personality, social support, financial security, physical health, and even genetics all affect how people respond to adversity.

This is why it’s important not to judge either group. The person finding joy isn’t necessarily stronger, and the person struggling isn’t necessarily weaker.

5. Acceptance versus resistance

Many people who discover peace in difficult circumstances stop overthinking and arguing with reality.

Not because they like what’s happening.

Not because they’ve “given up.”

But because they recognise that “This is what is happening right now. Fighting the fact that it’s happening only creates additional suffering.”

That acceptance frees up energy to live.

An important point I think, is people who appear positive aren’t necessarily positive all the time.

Many prisoners of war, cancer patients, people living in poverty, and those facing terminal illness experience fear, grief, anger, and despair too.

The difference is often that they don’t stay there (in those thoughts) permanently. They allow those feelings, but they don’t build a home in them.

I’ve noticed this in many people facing cancer. Some become consumed by “What if?” while others somehow continue to laugh, make plans, enjoy family, and appreciate ordinary moments. It isn’t because their diagnosis is easier. It’s because they’ve learned that life is still happening today, even in the middle of uncertainty.

Perhaps the deepest truth is that joy and suffering are not opposites. Human beings have an extraordinary capacity to hold both at the same time, but we can choose to spend more thinking time on one or the other.

Sometimes the people who appreciate life most deeply are those who have come face to face with losing it. ❤️